Graduation
Graduation is fast approaching now, and I am completely ready to be done with the whole process. I believe I may have checked out awhile ago. My semester has been pretty laid back, which is really nice. I had a few hard times, last week being one of them, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I will be done, and then, I can do whatever I want to do. That is exciting and scary at the same time because I don't know what I want to do exactly. My ideas change a lot because there is so much I would like to do. I have been a little indecisive, and at the same time, when I do get it figured out, then the person that I am "supposed" to be staying with changes his mind on things. It is a little confusing at times.
My plan at the moment seems a little irresponsible to me because it is something that I would have never actually experienced. I would say that I would like to do these different things, but when the time comes around to actually put the idea in motion, I would chicken out. Actually, when I really think about that, I haven't ever had the opportunity to do that. I have always taken the responsible, safe way of doing things. This time I am going to take a risk and play the game differently. It is going to be unsafe. That should take me out of my comfort zone, and that may be why it is so scary to me.
By going this route, I have to leave my Mommy, which gets me thinking a bit. Why do I cling to my mom? Did I not have a secure attachment with my mom? Am I afraid that she won't be there for me or that when I come back, she will be gone?
So, yesterday I was at my practicum 2 placement, and I was helping my supervisor with a bunch of different tasks. I looked on her shelf and saw a book I had never noticed before. The book was "Becoming Aware: A Look at Human Relations and Personal Adjustment." I began reading the book because I was curious. This book was huge and had to have a lot of useful information in it. The first chapter of the book discussed secure attachments and loneliness. In the section on loneliness, the book had information about how people can be lonely and still be surrounded by other people, but they always feel like something is missing. I haven't always felt this way, but I really think that this may be what I am dealing with. I have always told myself that when I have a children I won't feel like this anymore because I will have purpose. I want children so badly. But what happens if I have children, and I still feel this way. What do I do then??? I know that I need to be happy and not lonely by myself, and I have no idea how to do that.
My plan at the moment seems a little irresponsible to me because it is something that I would have never actually experienced. I would say that I would like to do these different things, but when the time comes around to actually put the idea in motion, I would chicken out. Actually, when I really think about that, I haven't ever had the opportunity to do that. I have always taken the responsible, safe way of doing things. This time I am going to take a risk and play the game differently. It is going to be unsafe. That should take me out of my comfort zone, and that may be why it is so scary to me.
By going this route, I have to leave my Mommy, which gets me thinking a bit. Why do I cling to my mom? Did I not have a secure attachment with my mom? Am I afraid that she won't be there for me or that when I come back, she will be gone?
So, yesterday I was at my practicum 2 placement, and I was helping my supervisor with a bunch of different tasks. I looked on her shelf and saw a book I had never noticed before. The book was "Becoming Aware: A Look at Human Relations and Personal Adjustment." I began reading the book because I was curious. This book was huge and had to have a lot of useful information in it. The first chapter of the book discussed secure attachments and loneliness. In the section on loneliness, the book had information about how people can be lonely and still be surrounded by other people, but they always feel like something is missing. I haven't always felt this way, but I really think that this may be what I am dealing with. I have always told myself that when I have a children I won't feel like this anymore because I will have purpose. I want children so badly. But what happens if I have children, and I still feel this way. What do I do then??? I know that I need to be happy and not lonely by myself, and I have no idea how to do that.
Comments
Post a Comment