Not Even Sure How To Express Myself Right Now....

I thought my plan consisted of going to Texas for awhile to hang out and figure things out.  I really wanted to do that, and I really had my heart set on that idea.  I would stay with Amadeo, and I would go to the beach and hang out.  Then, I could travel throughout the summer also.  I liked the idea because I had never done anything like that before and it would take me out of my comfort zone.  I could worry about getting a job some other time, and at that moment, I would relax and make myself happy.  I thought it was a good plan.
But then, I talked to Amadeo, and he was in a crummy mood, which I am kind of used to by now.  He was extremely rude, and he just made me feel really sad.  I was hurt.  And then I realized that I don't think things will ever get better.  That maybe I should just cut my loses and move on with my life.  I'm not even applying to jobs anymore because I thought I had a plan, but now, I don't know if that is a very smart move at all.
He is having a bad week, but instead of blowing up on me when I called him, he could have calmly stated that he was busy, and I would have calmly said I had one question and I would then let him go quickly.  Instead, he answered with a mean, nasty tone and stated, "I am busy."  I can understand that, but he was mad and he took his anger out on me.  But now, he will wait awhile, and then come back with an apology and I will believe him because I always do.  And I love the idea of getting out of the area for a little bit because I haven't done that before in my life.  So, I will fall into the idea, and I will get really excited about the whole thing.
Oh well....I will continue later with my venting...I have company.